So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize