i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize