the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
