My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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