That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
