So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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