Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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