took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize