Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm like, not good at living.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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