i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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