we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
