In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
