I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize