I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
