it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
