i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize