oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
