I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
