I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
