he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
