someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude i'm inner monologue high
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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