We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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