"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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