He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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