He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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