and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
