that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
