My room smells like vodka and shame
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
