Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
