I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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