i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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