i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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