Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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