You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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