Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize