Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize