so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize