where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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