How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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