there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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