chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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