i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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