He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
