If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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