I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
