Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
