Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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