Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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