I need help removing her.
dude i'm inner monologue high
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
