she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
