So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize