So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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