I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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