Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
