If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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