Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
