i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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