My friends, they love my intelligence
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
