I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
