Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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