I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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