Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
