I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
