4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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