My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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