I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
