Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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