I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
