Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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