Define "chronic" masturbator.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
