Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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