Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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