i would punch a child for taco bell
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
