Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
