I'm going to rape someone's good day.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
